Confidence? What's that about??

Confidence – or lack of it!

I often find that this pops up in my 1:1 coaching sessions. Sometimes it’s hidden away, disguised as all kinds of other things, but there it is waiting to undermine you in either your professional or personal life or both!

Lots of things in life can knock our confidence eg; a negative comment about how we look, negative feedback presented poorly at work, losing a job unexpectedly by being made redundant or perhaps losing a personal relationship that just didn’t work out. All of these can leave one feeling vulnerable and lacking in confidence.

This lack of confidence needs managing and can be managed if we just think for a moment … what it is all about? Consider these few questions;

What do you believe about your ability?

How do you measure/judge your confidence?

Do you believe that every time you meet a certain situation the outcome will be the same no matter what you do?

I have worked with many clients who have believed that they must be perfect in all they do for a wide range of reasons eg; to prove to others that they’re perfect and can totally fulfil their targets on time no matter the cost; to avoid any risk of losing their job or achieving promotion; to reassure a new partner that they are the person for them; to ensure that the spotlight of negative feedback and negative judgement should not come their way. What would colleagues think of them?! What a challenging world in which to live!

What emerges from this belief system of perceived perfection is that the chances of you failing in some, however tiny, way is almost inevitable. It means that the risks of what could go wrong are higher especially if others are to be relied upon as part of the work being undertaken eg; if you’re leading a team, and even if you’re working alone. There is always going to be a risk of failure.

How much better might it be if you believed that doing your best was enough. With having confidence in your own ability to do your best comes full control. Why would you want to live with the fear that you might make a mistake? We are all human and we all make mistakes. It’s impossible to live in an error free world. If we did there would be little developmental learning taking place for that is where we learn the most, through our mistakes.

Have confidence in yourself as a human, it’s a great relief!